


Your Friendly 99th Precinct Spider Man

by MilkJelly



Category: Brooklyn Nine-Nine (TV), Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies)
Genre: I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Tags Are Fun
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-18
Updated: 2020-12-18
Packaged: 2021-03-10 23:01:59
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,765
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28145034
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MilkJelly/pseuds/MilkJelly
Summary: [Flashback: JJJ yelling on TV that Spider Man is a “raging menace” in New York City, Captain Holt looking at the TV screen with a coffee mug in his hand, displaying a slight tension in his labial commissure. “That man is a loudspeaker-wielding bellower of a news anchor who, observe this, Peralta, might possess a rock hard brain.”]Basically, Spider Man meets Jake Peralta.
Kudos: 64





	Your Friendly 99th Precinct Spider Man

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to a Facebook post which is a repost of a Tumblr post, I am writing this. Thanks to everyone who supported me in the Facebook post! The original Faccebook post is here:  
> https://www.facebook.com/fabfangirls/posts/2251578344975438

Webs are shot, backflips are done, the burglar is secured to the brick walls, amazing and educational jokes are cracked (“Guess next time you should reeeaaallly checkout your conscience before you checkout the spot, man, you seem cool and I’m sorry I have to do this, but I’ve gotta turn you in you know, I hope some time can help you put your thoughts together but it’s totally cool if that doesn’t help”), and Spider-Man nails it again.

Sirens are sound, red and blue lights are displayed. The police have arrived, and Spider Man probably should leave, since the last couple of conversations did not make Peter feel good about what he is doing.

The Daily Bugle paints Spider Man as a threat and a ticking time bomb. Peter wants to be anything but that, and he wants to explain to people that he is not. 

Spider Man retreats into an alley. Webs are shot once more to transport Spider-Man to his backpack and his homework. A 4-page essay isn’t that much right? Plus he has finished 2 pages allrea ---

“N.Y.P.D.! Don’t move! I mean, it’s cool if you move, but like if I can talk to you that would be AmAzing!!!”

Peter Parker is right about to start climbing when he hears a strangely excited voice (that kind of evolves into singing in the end). Freezing briefly in mid-air, he wonders why Spidey sense is not blasting him with warning tingles. And then he turns his head to beam at the officer, hoping that his signature smile can be conveyed through his mask, only to realize that the police officer is someone who almost does not look like one at all.

The first thing Peter notices is a blue flannel, layered underneath a leather jacket, then a police badge attached to a chain that goes around his neck. The man appears to be in his 30s, more likely a detective than the uniformed officers that Peter is often confronted with.

Also, that is clearly a suppressed grin on his face.

Whew, okay Peter, Spidey sense did not say he’s dangerous and uh… he honestly seems pretty nice. He definitely won’t shoot at me, that much I know. Okay Peter, just deep deep breaths.

“Er, sorry officer, but is it okay that I hop down?” Questions Peter gingerly. 

“Pssh, yeah, absolutely Spider Man, as long as you don’t try to get away. OOoooooh Boy this is SO cool, okay, uh, while you’re at it, do you like, talk to Spiders?”

Peter nearly sprains his ankle when he lands on the top of a closed trash can.

That’s unexpected.

“Sorry to disappoint you, officer, but no I don’t talk to them. I was bitten by one though.” Peter scratches his head and then holds out his hand to show the officer his web shooter, “and the webs I shoot are synthetic chemical fluids from the storage here… (the officer’s face visibly lights up)” 

“I know I shouldn’t be saying this but it’s SO AWESOME to finally meet you, Spider Man, I’ve been Dying with questions!”

Okay Peter, you’re gonna be here for a while.

Spider Man moves to sit on the trashcan, dangling his legs. He has decided that this police officer is a kind person and, although he still definitely should not divulge his real identity, Peter can entertain him by answering a couple of questions without worrying about being shot.

“... Wow, I’ve … honestly not heard a police officer say that. The ‘seeing-spiderman-is-awesome’ thing (Peter gestures around wildly). I’m not really popular among the N.Y.P.D., I’m afraid.”

The officer nods with both understanding and a shred of sadness, “well, a lot of the force thinks that you are a vigilante, you know, we aren’t really sure if you’ll ever turn your back on us. Sometimes you gotta admit that JJJ has a point, but like, totally very vaguely. You should see how our captain talks about that man.”

[Flashback: JJJ yelling on TV that Spider Man is a “raging menace” in New York City, Captain Holt looking at the TV screen with a coffee mug in his hand, displaying a slight tension in his labial commissure. “That man is a loudspeaker-wielding bellower of a news anchor who, observe this, Peralta, might possess a rock hard brain.”]

Peter falls silent. He has been reminded of that a lot recently, and that is bumming him out a little. He doesn’t know how he can earn New York’s trust.

“... Aaaaand I can tell I’m bumming you out a little,” the officer frowns after noticing Peter’s slouch, “... um, I just wanna say that what you’re doing is pretty cool, you know. The N.Y.P.D. is trying to do a better job and, until we do, we need help from civilians like you, although you are clearly not a normal civilian.”

Well, sometimes Spider Man is more of a normal civilian. When he needs to turn in my assignments, for example. Hopefully the backpack has not been stolen. Regardless, it is still nice to get validation from a police officer.

“Thanks for saying all that, man. I’m just trying to help. You said that you have some questions?”

The officer’s facial expression brightens up even further, his beam widening, and stars gather in his eyes.

“Oh Oh OH, yes! So have you tried getting bitten by a normal spider again? Would that make you a normal person? What’s your favorite spider power?... hold up,” he rummages through the inner pockets of his jacket to fish out a small writing pad which is, apparently, full of questions, “... on a scale from ‘cool’ to ‘toit’, how would you rate all your spider powers? … you have answered the web question… Do you arrange your furniture like a spider web because you have spider-gut? I’ve seen you walking on walls, would you say your fingers are more like velcro or like glue sticks?... there are maaaaybe two or three pages more but you can get those first.”

Um.

Okay.

“I haven’t but that sounds like a fun experiment to try, but I also don’t wanna risk it. I can bring it up with Dr. Banner, he might know a bit more about radiation than I do. I think my power comes from mutations though, so I’m not sure how getting bitten by a normal spider would de-mutate me.

“My favorite spider power is my Spidey sense...”

“Did you name it Spidey sense?” “Yes I did.” “NOICE.”

“... and Spidey sense tells me when I’m in danger, I start feeling tingles and it’s a whole deal. And Spidey sense definitely is a ‘toit’.”

“Absolutely that sounds so amazing.”

“Apart from Spidey sense I have enhanced physical strength, which helps me help a lot of people, you know. I prefer my enhanced flexibility and agility though, I dodged a lot of bullets and smashes that way. So strength has a rating of ‘nice’? It’s between ‘cool’ and ‘toit’, but a bit above ‘cool’, and agility gets ‘noice’.”

“Are you suggesting a five-step system of cool, nice, NOICE. tight, TOIT??” “Yes I am.” “... I love it.”

“I also walk on walls because I have tiny projections coming out of my fingers, kind of like real spiders actually. That one gets a ‘nice’, I get to be quiet and go to places real fast. Speaking of walking on walls, I would say it is more like velcro. Usually spiders stick to walls because of electric forces, I imagine my powers work the same.

“I don’t feel like making my home a web, sorry. I think that covers all the questions for now ...?”

The officer flips through a couple more pages, “where did you get your powers? Based on your previous answer, where did you get bitten, and do they make other radioactive bugs or animals?”

“It’s… um, at one of the exhibitions I went to. I’m not sure if I can tell you much about it though.”

“Cool cool cool cool cool … So you’re saying if I got to more science-y exhibitions I might get bitten and get powers too? OH, do you know if they make radioactive panthers?”

“You… might die if you get bit by a radioactive panther, man. ” Wait, it’s probably not polite to not ask for a person’s name at this point, right? “And, um, can I get your name? Not that I don’t find this refreshing, it’s definitely more pleasant than the usual vigilante conversation, I just wanna, you know, not be impolite? … it’s okay if you don’t want to say your name!”

“Oh WHAT are you Kidding me? Of course I’d love to give you my name! Ha I can’t believe I forgot… Detective Jake Peralta with the N.Y.P.D., and who do you think is the coolest Avenger?”

Ah, so he IS a detective, that makes sense. Peter hasn’t met him for all this time being New York’s friendly neighbor, but Peter is happy that it is Jake whom he had bumped into today. 

Coolest Avenger? … okay, forgive me everyone.

Tony Stark is someone who Peter Parker will always be grateful for. Neither Iron Man nor Spider Man is perfect, but Tony Stark has taught Peter Parker lessons that he will never forget. Peter understands the sometimes subtle support from his mentor, and that is enough for the both of them.

Peter smiles, unsure if Jake can tell, “I’m gonna say Mr. Stark, actually.”

“I KNEW it! Would you mind that I quote you on this so that I can settle an argument with a friend?” Jake scribbles down some words onto his notepad.

“Sure, yeah, I’m glad I could help. Uh, also, do you know what time it is right now? I probably should go.”

He probably still has one hour to turn in his ENglish class homework, right?

“Oh, right, did I hold you up? Yeah I definitely did that. Spider Man, you are Free to go!”

“Thanks Detective Peralta! It was nice talking to you. Say hi next time you see me swing by!”

“Will do, Spider Man!! This is cool, You are cool, We should do this again when you’re not busy with criminals and life and stuff!”

Peter shoots another strand of web to attach to the top of a nearby building, then springs up, traveling back to his homework and his life as a high school student. During his short journey up, Spider Man did hear the following words from Detective Jake Peralta of the N.Y.P.D. --

“He just pulled a Reverse John McClane.”


End file.
